My Life as a Rock Star

I found this in a magazine and just loved it. I have it up on my refrigerator. (I don't know the copyright rules for blogs, but let's assume that Melinda Coats does not have time to troll blog sites looking for people posting her work...)

"My Life as a Rock Star" by Melinda Coats

I live the life of a rock star. It's true! I have wild hair and make-up with frequent costume changes.

Everywhere I go I have an entourage. People are constantly yelling my name. I look out into the crowd and they're actually crying for me, reaching for me.

I have no privacy. I'm watched when I shower, when I'm cooking, even when I use the restroom...for my own protection, I'm sure.

When I go places I must do so quickly before my fans get out of control and start a riot. Every night a different guy wants to sleep with me. Each of them seems genuinely hurt when I turn him away.

Occassionally I get dirty undergarments whirled at me with a whoop and a smile. It's even hard sometimes to walk through my own home without someone spotting me and trying to grab my legs or clothing.

Oh, and dont' forget about the stalkers! You know those crazed fans that follow you everywhere? Why, I can't even talk on the phone in the pantry without an eye or two peeping in at me.

Yes, it's true - I live the life of a rock star. And this goes out to my biggest fans (sub, Anna and Sam) - thanks for making my debut so special!